Secret #2 – Self-control – (2)

Let’s start with “W”...Words

To a large extent when I hear the term “self-control” I think about how quick I am with responses. I’ve been accused of talking before thinking – can’t say I disagree. Sometimes, I have been “spot on” with my comments, at times very witty, and at other times even I wonder, “Did that just come out of a Christian woman’s mouth?” Talking about “talking”, there are several variations - you could either be a person who:

· Thinks before talking
· Talks before thinking
· Thinks while talking
· Talks while thinking
· Talks then thinks
· Talks and never thinks

Whichever type of person you are we all need to realize the weight of words and learn to wait – which is part of what self-control is about. It’s just as much about what you say when you’re happy as what you say when you’re upset.

I’ll start with some of the things the Bible* says about words, their weight and the reason to wait, think then speak.

Proverbs 18: 21
Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.

Proverbs 21:23
Whoever guards his mouth and tongue Keeps his soul from troubles.

Now just think back to how many times you have “lost control” and gotten into trouble even in friendly atmospheres not to mention charged situations like Esther was in and we sometimes find ourselves (e.g. disagreement with your husband, fiancé, parent, friend, colleague, boss, child, neighbour - the list goes on). Sometimes, the “unfavourable” things we have said have actually come to be.

One of Esther’s secrets was that despite the fact that she had heard of Haman’s horrendous plan she controlled herself until the time was right…and then she spoke up. Oh! I can’t imagine being that controlled…I may have blurted it out too early and gotten into trouble.

Saying the right things is as important as knowing when to speak, if at all. Benjamin Franklin said: “Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place,., but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.”

There are times when you could be so provoked that you just spit out words in an attempt to express how you feel or possibly to “get back at that person”. An African proverb says: “words are like eggs, once spoken cannot be gathered back.” Ambrose Bierce said "speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret." An antidote to “spilling your words” is in James 1:19: “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.”

Ultimately, we must all strive to be like the Proverbs 31 woman - in verse 26 it says: “She opens her mouth with wisdom, And on her tongue is the law of kindness.” Wow! Imagine being kind in every word you speak – even when you are upset. Is that not akin to “walking on water”?

For me it is…yes, challenging but definitely possible as I follow Jesus’ leading.

What have your challenges been or what are they currently? Are you one who believes in "saying it as it is" not caring the impact on others or even on you? Let's talk and before you know it we'll be "walking on water" in this area of life.

*All quotations from the New King James Version of the Bible