The reason why husbands should not "help" their wives*

Did you just ask yourself if you read that right? Yes you did. I was more curious than shocked when I received this very helpful piece from a dear friend and sister a few weeks ago. I decided it was worth ending my hiatus to share this with you (pictures and comment in purple font mine).

This piece is "Recommended Reading" for Husbands...and husbands-to-be too (i.e. even young sons).

Marriage Matters

So you know where this is coming from, late last year I decided to share some marriage tips - from experience - this year (on our next wedding anniversary). As I was pulling the tips in this piece together, the Holy Spirit humorously reminded me that it's so true that teenagers think that they know all they need to know about life...
It must been that teen-thinking that gave me the courage, more like guts, to write this based on my marriage that's in its early teen years. I mean what do I really know about marriage? Well, I'm happy to share what I know so far...knowing that we'll learn (& experience) more in our many years of marriage to come...wishing you many more yours in your marriage too...

Relationships

Ecc 4: 9-12 - ⁹ Two are better than one, in that their cooperative efforts yield this advantage: ¹⁰ if one of them falls, the other will help his partner up — woe to him who is alone when he falls and has no one to help him up. ¹¹ Again, if two people sleep together, they keep each other warm; but how can one person be warm by himself? ¹² Moreover, an attacker may defeat someone who is alone, but two can resist him; and a three-stranded cord is not easily broken. (Complete Jewish Bible)

The only (and best) "3rd party" you should have in your marriage is God...

Lessons from a dozen

We just celebrated our first "dozen" years in marriage. Looking back, I cannot but thank God for His bountiful mercies and goodness to my husband and I. If His mercies were not new every morning* or if He didn't load us with benefits daily**, who knows where we'd be now. Indeed, it was a time of thinking and thanking.

You know when I think of a dozen, the first thing that comes to my mind is eggs. The more I thought about it, some similarities or shall I say, "lessons from the dozen," come to mind when thinking about marriage.

1. Marriage is fragile and must be handled with care.
2. A good marriage leads to a healthy life - bad marriages, like bad eggs, repel.
3. We must treat our words like eggs, knowing that once spoken can never be put pack in the "shell" - and this one applies to everyone - married or not.

The other thing that comes to mind when I think of the word "dozen" is a dozen roses. While I'm not into flowers - so buy me something else if you want to give me a gift - I took some time to look into the siginficance of a dozen roses. Apparently roses are used to express love and appreciation while the number 12 means a complete cycle - think of the 12 months of the year or 12 "hours" on an analog clock. So I guess a dozen roses show "complete love." 12 reminds Christians of the twelve tribes of Israel, the 12 disciples & apostles and even the 12 foundations & gates in heaven (Rev 21: 19-21).  

Without a doubt, 12 is an important number to God - it indicates completeness of a phase and the beginning of a new "move." My prayer is that as we have started a "new cycle" in our marriage that we will properly position ourselves for the "New Thing" God has promised.

I also pray that you will also partake of the "New Thing" God has promised us all in this year.  

 

 

References:

*It is because of the Lord’s mercy and loving-kindness that we are not consumed, because His [tender] compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great and abundant is Your stability and faithfulness. (Lam 3:22-23 - Amplified)
**Blessed be the Lord, Who daily loads us with benefits, The God of our salvation! (Ps 68:19 -NKJV)

Do you have “staying power”?

Some weeks ago, while waiting for my plane an older couple came and sat next to me. Within 5 minutes of their being there I couldn’t imagine how they could have stayed married so long. I mean, the man sounded so mean and his wife responded so sweetly almost meekly.

She went to get some food to eat, he said she was an eating machine – then ate off her plate.

A little later, he asked her to scratch his back in a way that almost sounded romantic.

Then about an hour later when she was giving him his medication and making suggestions he responded like a school principal and she responded like she was his kindergarten teacher – nice match I’d say.

I know every marriage is different – this one was so very different from anything I’ve ever seen. I just kept saying to myself: “If he’s like this in the public...can’t imagine how he is in private.” I practically got goose bumps and almost the hiccups thinking about it - so I didn't let my imagination continue on that path.

Where do you stand?

Every individual is important and influential. The impact of others on your life all depends on where you “stand.” Let’s use 2 words: UNITE and UNTIE to expantiate on this.

From experience, when “I” move a bit in any relationship, I find that I’m either on the “unite” path or the “untie” path and both are important paths that I must be cognizant of. For marriage you must remain on the “unite path” with your spouse and the “untie path” from people, things and thoughts that want to pull you apart.  Putting these words into a phrase, I'd say in marriage it's "United we thrive, untied (from each other) we fail." For every other relationship you need to know when to step right into the middle of it and “unite” or step aside and “untie” yourself from that connection.

Marriage matters

I cannot thank God enough for this privilege and as I celebrate my anniversary today, I cannot help but agree with Barnett R. Brickner: "Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate."
I've said this many times too because I know from personal experience that it takes a consciousness and conscientiousness to become and remain the right mate.

As I write this, I recall a joke shared by a pastor on the "definition" of complete and finished in the context of marriage. He said:

When a you're married to the right person, you are complete.

If you're married to the wrong person, you are finished.

If married to the wrong person from the wrong family, the person is completely finished.

I pray that all those who think they are married to the wrong person, make an attempt to "become and remain" the right mate - and you'll see postive changes in your marriage.

Someone wisely said: when you get to the heart of the matter, you'll find out it was all a matter of the heart. Marriage is God's idea, please do what you can so your heart is right with Him and you'll see it will be right in every other area of your life. If you haven't already done so, give your heart to God...you'll be completely complete* when you do. God bless

Reference:
*"...You also are complete through your union with Christ." (Col 2:10a - NLT)

2 become 1

When I saw the phrase "2 become 1" as the title of the Marriage programme for a church, 2 things came to mind:

• 2 people become 1
• To become one

They both start with a decision followed by determination, despite the definite challenges that will come, to keep going towards the goal of "Oneness."

For those of us who are married - and hopefully went through pre-marital counselling - the first interpretation is most likely one you heard over and over again. Though I knew it was in the Bible, at first it sounded far-fetched for me - until I started living it.