Secret #4 – Communication - Speech

Speech is “valuable” and likely to make impact if there is a listener…so we’ll talk about listening as well as speaking. Last year, one of my colleagues said “God gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth, learn to use them in the same proportion” i.e. listen twice as much as you speak. This of course ties in with James 1:19 - "Understand [this], my beloved brethren. Let every man be quick to hear [a ready listener], slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry." (Amplified Bible)

This is not going to be a crash course on being an active listener – I don’t know that much to run the course so we’ll just build on the words of others and some TEA (Thoughts, Experience & Advice):

A Chinese proverb puts it this way: “To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well, and is as essential to all true conversation”. It's about making the most of the "opportunity" to influence others by our speech or silence.

Some people talk because they have something to say; others talk because they have nothing to say but feel that they must say something. Plato put it this way: “Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.”

Too many times, while people are talking to us, we’re already coming up with a response…how can you be formulating a response/solution without fully hearing the person out? If you don’t listen, how can you decipher and help those around you? “You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time.” (M. Scott Peck).

Listening is not about agreeing with whatever the person has said…it is about understanding what the person has said. “A good listener tries to understand what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but because he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with.” (Kenneth A. Wells)

Have you ever been in a situation where you just needed someone to listen to you? How do you feel when the person is dishing out a “one-size-fits-all” solution? I believe that if we listen as much as we should, we will half what we say. “The words you choose to say something are just as important as the decision to speak.” (Author Unknown)

In “The Gift of Giving” piece, we talked about giving empathetic ears to others (see November 11, 2009). If you had the opportunity to choose between speaking and listening, “Be a good listener. Your ears will never get you in trouble." (Frank Tyger). If you must speak, remember that a Christian’s woman’s words are guided by kindness (Proverbs 31: 26) and they give grace (& growth) to the listeners (Ephesians 4:29). There are so many verses in the Bible – we have listed a few that you may want to look up at the bottom of this piece. On a side note, have you ever heard of someone who doesn't talk a lot being accused of having a "big mouth"?

Women are accused of having a high propensity to talk. A long time ago, while relaxing with her husband, one of my aunts complained that he was not talking much. He responded “why talk if there is nothing to say?” That has stuck with me…I didn’t say I abide by it – I’m still working on it…yes, I’m working on my courage to listen and courage to speak - and praying for the wisdom to know the right timing for either or both.

Winston Churchill said: "Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen." Let’s be courageous ladies…


Other Bible verses on speech/speaking: Proverbs 10:20, 31; 12:18; 15: 1, 2, 4; 18:21; 21:23; James 3