Secret #4 – Communication - Signals

Signals comprise actions, gestures or signs

For instance, you could use a side-smile to your friend or husband to know when it’s time to leave a particular place or just change the conversation subject. I remember when Beryl & I were flat-mates. We had our own “signal-vocabulary” and it was a world that everyone else was left out of. When we had guests who we felt had overstayed their welcome a simple eye-to-eye look got the message across and the plans were put in action to “help” the person leave sooner than later (e.g. just stop contributing to conversations or something even more subtle).

I don’t know if you were raised like I was, just looking at my mother, I’d know when I was behaving appropriately or when I’d end up with a good talking to in “mum’s bedroom”. Do you remember that? Well, not only do I remember that, I’m raising my children that way too.

The common adage: “actions speak louder than words” is true in more ways than one. For those of us who are not yet married, the way we behave/act around a Christian brother who may or not be a prospective suitor could easily make an impending relationship head north or south.

Have you ever had a situation where someone says “I think he like you” and when you ask why the response is sometimes “don’t you see how he acts around you?” Unfortunately, too many ladies have taken these “signals” out of context to think that young men who are friendly with them are aiming for a serious relationship or even marriage. They then end up “heart-broken” and the other party wonders “what made her think I was interested in a relationship with her when I just wanted to be her friend?”

There is nothing wrong with being friendly but with the Spirit of God at work in you, you’ll know when you’re “over-doing” it. The other end to this is if you thing you’re reading signals talk to God about them – this is where hearing God comes in – see the posting on December 28, 2009.

As for married couples, what can I say? There is constant signaling going on between husband and wife and I believe it is a positive and special thing to be cherished. It brings a certain depth to your communication skills and relationship when used positively.

The sad part is that sometimes couples become too familiar with each other and start “signaling” boredom with (& even disrespect for) each other, which causes some marriages to turn sour quickly. My advice is: go back to why and how your friendship and love developed and come up with signals to remind each other of your love one for another even when there are lots of people around.